For the Wedding, Whose Fam Pays for What? #AskDes


It’s Wedding Advice Wednesday today! It’s that time where I meet you here and answer all the wedding planning and styling questions that you submitted on social media using the hashtag #AskDes.

For the past few months, my mind has been filled with thoughts of hand-beaded lace, airy chiffon, and satin-covered buttons. I’ve carried these images around with me and have been slowly turning them into my new wedding gown collection. This collection is called Wonder and it’s inspired by the beautiful things in my life that inspire awe–everything from the salty smell of ocean spray on the breeze to the finger-warming feel of a coffee mug in my hands to the bright-eyed look of happiness that Asher gives me every morning. I want to capture the wondrous things that give meaning to life with this new collection. With every sketch and stitch, I hope that whoever wears my gowns will feel that sense of wonder and magic, on their wedding day and for every day after.

Now, for your questions!

Tacie asks: When it comes to the wedding, who pays for what?

Weddings come with lots of expenses and, traditionally, those are divvied up between the bride, the groom, the bride’s family, the groom’s family, and the bridal party. Now, everyone has unique situations–nowadays, many couples pay for their own wedding or both families split the cost. But it can be helpful to know what the traditional breakdowns are so you can 1) see the different areas of the wedding that need financing and 2) understand the expectations that family and friends might have.


Groom’s wedding ring, groom’s wedding gift, bridesmaids gifts, bridesmaids bouquets, thank you gifts for parents, transportation for bridesmaids to venue


Bride’s engagement and wedding ring, bride’s wedding gift, groomsmen gifts, marriage license, officiant’s fee, boutonnieres (for groomsmen, fathers, and grandfathers), corsages (for mothers and grandmothers), transportation for groomsmen to venue, transportation for leaving the reception, honeymoon, wedding night accommodations

Bride’s family:

Engagement party, bride’s wedding gown and accessories, invitations, wedding planner, reception, ceremony (except officiant fee), wedding vendors (such as florist, photographer, baker, etc), their own attire, wedding gift

Groom’s family

Rehearsal dinner, alcohol at the wedding, their own attire, wedding gift

Wedding party pays for:

Their own attire and accessories, bachelor party (hosted by man of honor and groomsmen), bridal shower and bachelorette party (hosted by maid of honor and bridesmaids), wedding gift

Tasha asks: What is the protocol for divorced parents and paying for the wedding?

Open communication is the way to go. Start by having a dialogue with your parents (either together or one-on-one, whatever is best for their dynamic) and establish the fact that you want them both involved in your special day. Then, explain the areas that you’d need help in. In situations like these, it’s important to have clear expectations and to make sure everyone is on the same page. At the end of the day, the most important thing is that your wedding is special and that you feel loved. Share this with both parties and they will most likely to their best to make you happy.

That’s it for today! Meet me back here next week for more questions and answers!



Photography by: Rachel SolomonPhotography by: Kate La Vie
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