Imagine the red rose emoji here because this column of #AskDes is taking on your questions about the Bachelor and Bachelorette! So get ready for the most dramatic season yet–oh wait, I mean edition of #AskDes.
It seems like just yesterday that I was putting on my red dress (that I designed!) in a hotel room. I was waiting for that requisite limo to pick me up and take me and the other ladies up PCH to the Bachelor Mansion. I was hopeful yet cautious. Little did I know that that night was the first step in a crazy journey, one that was filled with elaborate dates, exciting travel and, oh, heartbreak and then finally love.
And not just any love.
But the love of my life. Chris.
Now, as Becca heads down the same path, I’m excited to answer your questions about the Bachelor and the Bachelorette!
Andrea asks: What are some of the differences between being on the Bachelorette versus being on the Bachelor?
Both are life changing. When I was on the Bachelor, I was excited to travel and have a fun experience (and was crossing my fingers for a cool date or two). I wasn’t sure how I would feel–aside from nervous, lol! Yet I was surprised at how quickly my emotions developed and that’s when I realized, oh wow, this can really work for me. It was difficult, of course, to remain open without getting the validation you would in a usual relationship but I knew, deep down, that I needed to let myself fall…even if things didn’t work out.
And, as we all know, it didn’t work out.
But when things don’t work out, sometimes they actually do, in the most surprising and beautiful ways. I was invited to be the Bachelorette so the next time I was in a hotel room, putting on a dress, I wasn’t one of 25 ladies. Rather, there were 25 guys waiting for me. In some ways, it was completely different than my journey on the Bachelor but some things were still the same. I needed to remind myself to stay open and to let my guard down. I did that and this time, well, this time it led me a very special moment, one where I was standing by the ocean in Antigua and the man who’d won my heart was down on one knee in front of me.
Tess asks: How did you approach group dates versus one-on-ones when you were the Bachelorette?
The group dates were about seeing the guys in a social environment and observing how they reacted to the different situations we found ourselves in (like poolside rapping!). Chris really stood out to me during these dates because, even though we’d be immersed in a bunch of activities, he always made it feel like it was just the two us. No matter what, he was intentional and focused on our relationship (so, if you’re headed on a group date for a tv show–that’s the way to steal a heart!).
For the one-on-ones, it was about really digging deep and zeroing in on my date. During these, I was not only seeing if we had chemistry but I was also thinking about our lives. Could they fit together? Did we have similar values and goals? In fact, it’s probably what any person thinks on a date–only this was accelerated and I had to process everything very quickly.
I’ve now been happily enjoying my one-on-one’s with Chris ever since! 🙂
Sandra asks: Since the Bachelor and Bachelorette is a television show, is anything we see manufactured or faked for drama?
The show is edited so that the storylines are clear but there is no need to fake the drama because the circumstances themselves illicit strong emotions. Think about it this way. You are in an unfamiliar setting with a bunch of people you’ve just met (and you all want the same thing), the filming days are long, and the schedule is extremely fast paced. On top of all of that, you’re dating someone and trying to figure out how you feel about them and also how they feel about you. So what you see is 100% genuine and, in my case, leads to a very real engagement, marriage, and baby!
That’s it for today! Meet me back here next Wednesday for my usual #AskDes column!