Zak Waddell’s Bachelor Recap: Episode 3



Before we talk about anything this week, let’s talk about love…real, ridiculously inspiring love. A love born from a unique alchemy of hope, timing and TV production. This past weekend, Chris and Desiree were married on the cliffs of the Pacific.  In a little glass church built from the inspiration of dreams, their vows danced through the air like smoke from a vigil candle, consummating a love now deeply matured.

In the company of family and close friends, in a secret, ninja”ess” ceremony full of anticipation and unbridled joy, Chris and Desiree revealed before our eyes, this time in a very private way, the mastery of two people truly compatible, truly committed, truly capable of love. Let us all raise a glass…to Chris and Desiree.

Episode 3 is almost the end for me. I think Chris is sold on Whitney. There was a moment at the end of their date, when Chris and Whitney were hugging that did it for me. In a strange way, it almost seemed like a mother embarrassing a child. It was a gesture of total, silent, submission.  His neck and shoulders were shrugged as if to make himself small and childlike. Watch it again if you have to. Maybe even in slow motion. Chris did not want to let go, as if he had more to say but couldn’t. I think in this moment, Chris would have said the words “I love you” if he was able to.  Unfortunately, there are 18 girls left. And one of them is my sister!

On to Carly…and boy did she come on strong. I was trying to think back to a time when I have seen that look of determination on her face. She grabs the first ear of corn, shucking it violently as if kernels were being suffocated from years of imprisonment, protruding her lower jaw seeming to focus all her controllable energy towards efficiency and power, violently tossing each husk like Zeus hurling fire bolts from Olympus…she wants something bad!

I remember Carly being 10 years old on a YMCA basketball team. She played low-post because she was the tallest girl on the team. She was the leading scorer because as I said before, she was the tallest girl on the team. One Saturday morning before her game, my brother and I told her this, “Carly, next time you get the ball, hold it above a little girls head and say fiercely, ‘Do you want some of this’?”.  It was one of those older brother mind inceptions we really didn’t expect to work. But sure enough in the first quarter of the game, almost the first time she got her hands on the ball, she does it, “DO YOU WANT SOME OF THIS?!?!”. My Dad turned around from his coaching post, face red with rage…we were caught!

This was the last time I saw “the look” I am talking about: total determination, completely incensed, bodily possession. At the age of 10 she was taken out of the game and benched. This time she would win! We still don’t know much about the relationship between Carly and Chris. She is slowly poking her head out of the shell.  The Carly I know is dynamic, creative, and bleeds love. I am anxious to see more.


We should start by thanking Jimmy Kimmel for making us aware of the overuse and emptiness of the word “amazing”. Jimmy, you brought to light the limitations of language. That we have no “single word” to match the fullness and scope of the emotion we call “amazement”. Like being asked to scream one word at the top of your lungs, back to a California sunset to match its marvel…the moment the emotional energy is transferred to your tongue and leaves your lips, it falls like a penguin being shot from a cannon.  Words together are like a flock of birds joining to take shape and fill the sky. But a single word is a flightless bird, trying hard, in vain, to fly.

So far I have not been surprised by Chris. He is consistent, predictable and best of all completely aware of it. Sure he is kissing everyone. But is he the one initiating it? I applaud the answer he gives Makenzie…this is part of his quest, in earnest to find a wife. Chris seems to find himself lip-locked for one of two reasons:  One, he is completely enamored with the girl and finds himself lost with no words strong enough (or permissibleenough) to express his feelings. Two, he finds himself in a conversational lull where kissing is a break from the awkwardness.

Chris is not the most assertive Bachelor, or guy for that matter. It brings to mind his hometown date during Andi’s season:  a houseful of sisters and one strong mother, head-of-the-household. I am not going to go full-Freudian on you, but I do think we as men seek out a woman like our mothers. Chris seems to gravitate to strong, mature women…and not the type that can crack a walnut with her thighs.

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